7 hours ago
10
It seems like intergenerational warfare is everywhere right now. Aside from the fact that it’s the burden of every generation to feel misunderstood by those older than them, and to condescend to those younger, the current tension between baby boomers, gen X, millennials and gen Z does seem to run deeper.
Those of us in the latter two categories blame everyone older than us for the dire state of the world today (a viewpoint that sometimes ignores the fact that the world has been getting worse since the big bang). And let’s face it, it’s impossible to not be bewildered and feel attacked by people younger than you when they automatically dismiss your life experiences, start speaking seemingly in code (I still don’t know what “six-seven” means) and laugh at your idea of fashion.
But all of this antagonism may result in a major loss of opportunity – because there is truly nothing as rewarding as a good intergenerational friendship. I have the benefit of having a number of friends who are both much younger than me, and somewhat older than me, and the exchanges we have of ideas, advice and points of view are undoubtedly making me a better person.
Importantly, it’s through these friendships that I’ve been able to both question my own assumptions, push back against stereotypes about generational identities and also stay connected to emerging ideologies, pop culture and technology that I’ve “aged” out of.
When I was a teenager, it was my friendships with older women that helped me develop my confidence in my thinking, to put my problems in perspective and to understand that I could learn from my elders without it meaning letting go of my emerging independence and agency.
One of my close friends, Sally*, is only seven years older than me, which, when I was 18, seemed like a massive difference. Functionally, it meant that she was firmly in a different stage of life when we became friends and this was immensely helpful to me. When I look back on my coming of age, Sally was an instrumental sounding board for so many of my major decisions – when I dropped out of the first university I attended and enrolled in another, she lent me a box set of the 90s TV show Felicity where the eponymous protagonist did the same, and I remember her humour and grace while I worked through the big decisions of who and what I wanted to be as a “grown up”.
As I have gotten older, and we’ve stayed friends, the dynamic in our friendship has shifted and, although I’ve always felt respected and understood by her, now I feel like our exchanges are deeper through more shared experiences. I hope that I’ve been a useful source of wisdom over the years too, having gained so much from her.
On the other side of the coin, I find myself in the privileged position these days of being connected to several incredible young women, including nieces and a few special friends I’ve made via hobbies and grown very close to. Recently, one young woman, Milly*, who I have known since she was in her early teens, and who has recently turned 18, turned to me as a friendly ear to listen to some emotional turmoil she was going through in her social life. I felt so moved – and humbled – to be seen not only as a trusted person to talk to, but as someone she felt could offer judgment-free wisdom.
In return, Milly keeps me supplied in excellent social media memes, is my cheer squad and support when needed, and is a useful source of insight when I come across yet another Gen Z term I don’t understand.
Chatting on the phone to her the other night, I found myself thinking of when I was her age and Sally was listening to me work through this or that friendship conflict over a coffee. I can’t wait to be sitting across a cafe table from Milly in 10 years’ time, with our age and life experience evened out, and hear about all the cool stuff she will no doubt be up to then.
When I see the feuds unfolding between generations online – the recent spat between Emma Watson and JK Rowling comes to mind – I can’t help but feel like we’ve got it wrong when it comes to socially understanding generational difference. Each generation is meant to forge new social movements and ideological shifts to the ones before them. We’re meant to find some things baffling about each other, but we should also be able to recognise how crucial that diversity of experience and thought is, not just to society, but in our individual lives as well.
* Names have been changed
English (US)